If this is your first time here today or recently you need to skip down and start with the previous post...
I'm so emtionally confused right now. I just slept for a bit with the help of some Ambien and upon waking up I really want to keep thinking that this is all a dream or the radiologist is going to call and say "Wait, maybe there was a heartbeat there afterall". This has to be a joke, couldn't happen to me. Normal feeling's I'm sure, I just DON'T want to feel them! I appreciate all the notes of kindness I've received, it truly does help, I probably won't be responding to most of them right this moment (trust me, in this state that is probably better), but I do hear them and feel lothe love and prayers.
I appreciat this song from Watermark that Nina sent me and want to pass it along...
Sweet little babies, it’s hard tounderstand it ‘cause we’re hurting We are hurting But there is healing And we know we’re stronger people through the growing And in knowing- That all things work together for our good And God works His purposes just like He said He would… Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE: I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabiesand what they must sound like But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…
I truly believe that this baby is first and foremost a baby, not a fetus and that it is now enjoying the music of heaven. And someday I will see my baby, I don't know now if it's a boy or girl, but in heaven I will just "know". I'm reading 90 minutes in heaven right now and as scared as I am of the unknown (I've posted about this before), heaven is sounding really good, I'm so thankful that my baby is there. Right now I don't know where I would be without my faith in God. Everything still hurts, but there is so much comfort in Him too!
2 comments:
You are an inspiration to us all. Your faith is unwavering. You could be so mad and angry at this moment but your gracious and humble to his power. I too believe your little one is being held by God right now and being comforted. Keep that close to your heart and soul. If your family needs anything please let us know. The song I Can Only Imagine... comes to my mind because it's through this we come to understand how great the reward really is. Prayers are being said tonight and he hears them and your answer on why will be answered soon enough.
Stay strong. I have a baby in heaven too that maybe has already befriended yours. What a glorious reunion when we get to meet them in heaven for the first time. I hope the prayers of friends and loved ones will help sustain you throught this difficult time.
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