checking in

Thought I probably should check in quick, it's been a while!  I've been so busy with other things that I haven't had time to do even a quick update. 
Since my last update:
5 - number of photoshoots I've had (also the number still waiting to be edited)
3 - number of doctor appointments I've attended
3 - number of football games my family has competed in (finally done!)
4 - dozen cookies we've baked (and subsequently eaten)
4 - pumpkins we've carved
1 - number of photo sessions cancelled due to weather (rescheduled actually)
1 - number of "tornado watch" days with my kids home all day

OK, so individually those numbers don't look very big, but put it all together and then add in all the baths I've given, meals I've cooked, number of times I've mopped the floor, loads of laundry done, dishwasher ran (and emptied), stories I've read, paint I've cleaned up and it all adds up to quite a bit! 

I will be starting radiation on Monday.  The first one is just a simulation to make sure that everything is in the right place, so actualy radiation starts on Tuesday.  I will have 28 treatments, I think that brings me to approximately December 10.  My schedule the first week is all crazy, all over the board, but after 7 days of craziness I will then settle into a routine schedule of 8am every day.  It's early, but it will be the best for having someone here watching the kids, Matt can more than likely just work from home until I get back from my appointment, Lila will more than likely still be sleeping when I get home!

I go in for another Herceptin appointment this Tuesday.  I'm not sure if it's the Herceptin or not being on chemo anymore, but I am HUNGRY ALL THE TIME.  I want to munch on something.  With as much time as I've been on the computer, this is NOT a good thing.  I want chips, I want chocolate, I want chocolate covered chips (ha, just kidding, I do want chocolate covered peanuts though).  I will not be loosing any weight if things continue like this, I won't even be maintaining, I'll be gaining.  Like an elephant. 

Landon starts basketball tryouts on Monday, please keep him in your prayers, there are 70+ kids trying out, so lot's of competition.

Halloween tomorrow (Sunday really, but we live in Zeeland, were celebrating tomorrow).  Elliot is going to be a Ninja turtle.  I always made costumes for Landon and Bailey, but buying a $12 ninja turtle costume at Target seemed so easy this year, I cringe when I see it, but it's just one thing I'm letting go!  He's excited!  Lila is supergirl or wonderwoman.  My pudgy little baby in a little leotard... I really do just want to squeeze her!  Bailey is a Mime (is that even how you spell that?).  All her idea.  We had to search and search for a black and white striped shirt (ended up with black and gray), black berret and suspenders.  We found the latter two at Claires in Holland.  Did you even know there was still a Claire's in Holland, because I sure didnt!  Landon... well, he's Landon.  He had a halloween party at church and just wore a mask that I picked up last year after halloween at Walgreens, not sure how long he even had it on though. 

OK, so I'm off to have lunch with some great ladies... but I leave you with a picture of my wondergirl!

Picture Recap

Don't these look delicious?  I sure think so.  They were delicious too!  Marshmallows, sucker sticks, chocolate, graham crackers and oreos (oh, and a little peanut butter on a few as well, my favorite).  These were used instead of a cake for Elliot's birthday party!

Little goodie bags for the kiddo's!  A little flaarp and some candy!

 The crew, just before going on the train ride!  The kiddo's LOVED the ride, Elliot LOVED the train ride.  Elliot loved having a party!  Elliot loves being 4!  What fun it was to have Tom's Train entertain us/the kids!

And... Team BELLieve!  Two seperate pictures because there was just way to many people to fit into one!  Seriously, this was amazing, you were amazing, the event itself was amazing, to see so many survivors was amazing.  It was a great event!

 Crossing the finish line!

More pictures can be seen on my facebook page, feel free to check them out there, and tag yourself while your there as well, I coudlnt' possibly tag everyone myself!

I met with the radiation oncologist on Friday.  It was a LONG appointment with lot's of technical details that, to be quite honest, I don't remember much about (or even really care).  I get to go back on Tuesday morning (followed by my first herceptin only treatment), and then will start radiation in about 2 weeks.  I just want to get going.  Because, ultimately I just want to be done!

God's war, not mine

I try to remember that title at every turn.  I can't do this, but he will provide for me in many many ways that will make it possible for me to do it,, no one or no thing can take my life before God's time just like he protected David in 1 Samual 23:14-15 and 26-28 click here to link to the passage NIV style and here to link to it The Message style (prefer but there are extra verses included here so may be best to read both)

Yesterday was a very anxious day.  Very heavy heart, heavy with anxiety about the PET scan results and what the heck this chemo was going to do to me for the next two weeks.  But then we got the reults of the PET scan (YAY) and it didn't get much better (yes we celebrated as much as one can in a small room with a bed and chair, but the anxiety didn't go away).  It was the chemo that was to come, accessing the port for the first time (which I understood nothing about except I put lot's of numbing lotion on top of it prior to leaving my house), it was just a long long day of unknowns.  So many have been so helpful in preparing me for this day, allowing me to ask questions and giving me lot's of answers and tips and prayers, for that I am thankful. 

As I was waiting in line to check in I heard lot's of talk to my left about hair.  How it was growing back in.  When did my life become about hair loss and re-growth?  It felt very surreal. 

The port access went great as soon as they switched types of tape they used, which is strange b/c I've never had any issues with medical tape, but apprently yesterday my body decided to fight more painful tape being pulled off my body (because I am quite sick of peeling tape off, it hurts almost worse than surgery, probably because I'm sedated, but you know...).

All the injections and drips went great, we were there for 4.5 hours, hopefully that's a bit longer than normal, but that will just give me another unknown in two weeks when I return. 

I was very very very tired in the afternoon, but of course got no sleep (truly, it's so not like me to request this, but if you want to call, I would LOVE to talk to you, but the afternoon may not be the best time to call, phone will probably be shut off between 1-3 from now on).  I started feeling nauseous at around 4:30 but took a pill and it subsided enough that I could eat another delicious dinner delivered by a friend.  Around 9 it started again and I just took the other antineausea/anxiety pill and was out for most of the night.  I woke up once, but not for long, I think I just chnaged the channel from "The Nanny" to "Cheers" (oh the joys of late night t.v.)

So, today is a new day.  A busy new day.  I have to get Elliot to school, then return to go on a field trip with him (walk to get ice cream), then a NuLasta injection at the office (w/ possible hydration), and then choir concert for my oldest, greatest, 11 year old tonight.  So, please please please say lot's of prayers for a feeling great, high energy day today!

This is God's war, not yours.  2 Chronicles 20:15 (The message verson)

Thorns

I honestly don't know what day it is, when I wake up in the middle of the night or middle of the morning I'm very confused as to whether it's morning or night, but I've also come to realize that it just doesn't matter, what does it matter if it's 4 in the morning or 4 in the afternoon when all you do is lay on the couch, watch tv, read, facebook or sleep, the time changes nothing about my day.  Someday it will matter again, someday soon hopefully.  Right now I am very tired, which must mean that it's 10:40PM, but could be am, who really knows.

I encourage you to read 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 the version from the Message follows, but if you click on the link it will take you to the NIV version.

7-10Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,


My grace is enough; it's all you need.


My strength comes into its own in your weakness.


Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
 
God gave me this thorn/handicap/limitation to test my rescources on a daily basis, but I can live with this thorn because God gives me the rescources to do it on a daily basis, hourly basis.  He is my source of strength, courage and hope.  He will care for me, he will hear me when I cry out, he will protect me.  He is my EVERYTHING!
 
What weakness is he giving you that you are not using for the right purpose?  What weakness is he telling you to lean on him, take it to him?  Find that weakness today and give it over to him,
 
Prayer Reqeust:
A little more strength, I seem to get tired very quickly
That I would be able to wean myself off the pain pills soon
The drains will come out soon
Good weather, and energy and desire, for everyone running this Saturday, whether it be 5K, 10K (Yikes) or 25K (Double Yikes)
Relief for the stress that Matt, Sarah and Julie are feeling
Prayers for a friend that has been in the hospital with a few complications, the details aren't specific, but God knows what she and her family need

Misc

The pain is manageable (w/ the pain meds of course).  I've come to really really like the pain meds.  Never before have I liked pain meds this much, not only do they eliminate pain but they make me sleep really really well too!  They are the best.  The only problem is keeping them all straight, which ones to take every 4 hours, 6 hours, once a day, twice a day.... but I think so far I've managed.  With the help of some friends I made it down to the junk food wagons to enjoy a funnel cake and some fries loaded with vinigar!!!  YUM!

My appointment with the oncologist has changed to Monday in Grand Rapids (although most of the treatments/appointments will take place in Holland in the future).  I'm thrilled to be able to get in sooner than expected!  I'm very ready to get these drains taken out so that I can take a shower, wash my hair on my own (although I'm very very grateful to Lindsey for washing and drying it for me).  It will be a long time before I wear a lot of my clothes again, I look a little funny right now, but sweatshirts do thier job hiding it mostly!  I'm ready mostly to know what treatments are going to follow, if the cancer has spread anywhere else and if I'm going to loose my hair.  How long is this road going to be?  So many questions that right now only God knows the answer too, I have to depend on him to guide me down this road, there is only one set of footprints here because he is carrying me!  There is peace in his arms!

What a difference...

What a difference a few days makes.  Last week I was having a hard time accepting all the offers of help, now I'm willing to take any and all help offered.  In some ways this surgery went easier than I expected, but in others it is much harder.  I have a lot of movement in my left arm, a lot more than I originally thought I would have.  Putting my hair in a ponytail is quite difficult/painful, but do-able.  I'm on quite a few pain meds (trying to balance all of that has been interesting, all I can say is I'm so very thankful for my husband).  While the meds take away most of the pain they also make me very very sleepy and probably a little loopy as well.  I have been blessed to have people offer to wash my hair for me, something I would have never thought of.  The hospital had a sink to wash my hair in yesterday, and while I can't take a real shower, getting my hair washed was an amazing feeling (and Sarah fulfilled her dream of being a hairdresser)!  Amazing how the little things do so much to lift my spirits!

Specific prayer requests:
The pathology report comes back showing only a few lymph nodes with cancer and that the cancer hasn't spread further than the lymph nodes
Relief from pain
Patience for Matt while he has to do so much for me
Patience for all the caretakers of my children
Peace for my children as there are so many changes in thier schedules right now
We would have peace and continued reliance on God during this difficult time

Provision, Hugs and Hope

I have been wanting to update but there really isn't anything to update on.  I haven't had any doctor appointments this week yet, surgery is still on for Friday, the kids are taken care of, dinner is taken care of, needs I didn't even know I had, are taken care of. 

I have been waking up at four for quite a while now.  It's almost like it's routine now.  Yesterday I didn't though and I struggled all day to get a few minutes to do my devotional (I finally got 10 minutes while the kids were both napping).  I've never been a morning devotional type of person, typically if I do my BSF it's in the afternoon or evening, but it's been a long time since I've needed God like I need God now.  We always need God, but I depend on his strength more now than ever, which is one thing I've determined he is teaching me through all of this, to depend on him.  Anyway, back to the waking up part of the story.  Sure enough, 4:13 this morning I rolled over and was WIDE AWAKE!  So, rather than fight God on this one, I got up. 

Matthew 6:8 says Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
So true.  Things I hadn't even though of are being taken care of by others.  He has sent me some amazing people to take care of some tasks that aren't going to be so easy or joyous (or even never were joyous)! 
Thank you God for your provision each and every day.

Confession time: Typically I am not a hugger.  I kind of like my personal space and in the past it's always felt very awkward to me to hug someone other than my husband or kids.  But God knew that I would need hugs, he has sent me hundreds of hugs over the past few weeks and while it took some getting used to I've actually come to welcome them.  God knew that I would need those and just forced me to get over it!

Psalm 31:24 says Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.
Jesus Christ is at the right hand of God making intercession for us, and the Holy Spirit "intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Rom 8:26).  *With their intercession, hope and determination can fill us to overflowing. 
Thank you God for interceding for me and filling me with your hope and determination.  Please continue to give me this same hope and determination throughout this journey.

I will update again when I have more details on surgery times etc, but know that that may not be until later on Thursday.  I have another pre-op appointment at with the plastic surgeon on Thursday late morning and will know a little more then I'm guessing.  Sarah will also be posting for me after surgery on Friday.  Your faithful prayers and our faithful God have been amazing!  Thank you.

* From "Hope for the Journey through Cancer by Yvonne Ortega

Celebrations

Lot's of them!  Lot's of celebrating!  Yesterday we celebrated our baby turning one.  Whoa!  ONE!  This is the first time I haven't fully celebrated a first birthday!  And I'm not going to beat myself up for it.  She will never know the difference!  In fact, we went to church at night and I put her in the nursery.  Never would have done that with the first three!  We had a small party here with her tonight.  She enjoyed her cupcake yesterday and her full 8" round cake tonight!  Mmmmmm, frosting!  She got LOTS of Target gift cards which we intend to use to purchase a kitchen set! 

All of the doctor appointments went very well today.  All of the doctors were very pleasent as were the nurses I met with.  I don't feel like I learned anything new though, it was all repeated information, no new suggestions or ideas as far as surgery or treatment go.  I felt very confirmed, after meeting with the doctors, regarding my decision to stick with the doctor in Holland and go ahead with surgery on April 30.  All morning (and really all day) I prayed for clarity.  That God would just make it undeniably clear what I was supposed to do.  And he provided.  I can't exactly explain the decision to stay in Holland vs GR, it just was clear. 

I also met with a plastic surgeon in Holland this afternoon.  While the morning appointments almost seemed boring this was anything but boring.  I went in planning on one type of reconstruction (implants), it was all I had thought about throughout the last week, other options were just out of the question.  For some reason during the appointment I inquired about tram flap reconstruction, I didn't want to wait to much longer than a week though to do it, so it was kind of up on the air, when woudl they be able to get me in for the 10 hour surgery?  Turns out if they pulled some strings they could possibly get me in on Monday, this coming Monday.  Ummmm, ok.  That's soon, but whatever.  Again, lot's of prayer, God, please make this undeniably clear.  They had to make a few more phone calls to verify it but were going to call me later. 

Prior to leaving the office I also looked at some pictures of the doctors previous surgerys.  I almost threw up to be quite honest.  It was rough.  It was reality.  It just became a bit more real to me.  I cried.  I got mad.  I accepted it and while I still want to cry and sob, I just can't, there isn't much left in me.

So, when I left there was a possibility I was going to have to rearrange a BUNCH of things to make Monday the day.  I just kept praying, "God, please, make this clear to me, show me your will".  When I got home Matt was on the phone with the office.  The surgeon and plastic surgeon had talked and decided that we should stick with the original plan of implants.  Because I'm diabetic they didn't know how well I would heal.  I think the nurse was unsure of the reaction I would have, she just kept asking me how I was doing.  I was fine.  I know, without a doubt, that God is in control.  He has proven that to me again and again and again. 

So, surgery is on for next Friday, April 30.  I will be in the hospital for approximately 48 hours, at which point I will return home, but still not be able to care for my youngest babe alone for quite a while. 

I know that many of you were praying for me today and I can't say thank you enough.  I know that there are prayers being said on behalf of myself and my family and it brings such a peace.  I don't want to give the impression ever that this is easy or I don't have any bad days/times, because I do.  I have times when I'm mad, sad, hurt, scared.  There are days when I feel all of the above.  I'm so thankful to have such a great God, such a great husband, family and friends.  I can't imagine doing this without all of the support that I have.  I am so blessed.

Prayer Requests:

Please pray that I don't let myself get to anxious over the next week.  Peace about the changes that my body is going to undergo. 

Peace and understanding for my husband and kids.

Steady hands for the surgeons and quick healing for me.

Overwhelmed

~At the risk of sounding like a broken record~

I find myself several times a day looking at the Ekklesion site.  Just looking at it.  Just the fact that it filled up so fast overwhelms me in the BEST way!  You are all COMPLETLY amazing.  I don't think I've realized how very blessed I am until this all happened.  It's sad to me that it takes a situation as terrible as this to realize it.  Not because of lack of care and support but because of my blindness to seeing it.   So, once again, because I don't know what else to say, THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!

I just read that a family at our church has a small child with a brain tumor, please keep them in your prayers as well!  I would rather go through this 1000 times over than have a/my child experience even a small piece of it. 

Today I had pre-testing at Holland Hospital, as many of you know I had always planned on having a mastectomy to prevent cancer, but hadn't gotten around to it.  As I was sitting in the room I realized that I don't know if I would have ever gotten around to it.  It's a major surgery, I'm scared of how I will look afterwards, now I'm just being forced to do it (and I'm still scared, imagine that).   The nurse I spoke with said that they have me scheduled for a 6 hour surgery, much longer than I had anticipated, but I guess I won't know when I'm done if 5 minutes passed or 5 hours!  Poor Matt though, 6 hours in a waiting room is a LOT, I told him to feel free to leave though, I'll never know and why would he sit there that long!

And... just because I feel like this blog needs a little more joy!

Bestest friends... worm hunting!

And this little beauty will be one tomorrow!  ONE YEAR OLD!  Wow!

Meals

I'm aware (and so grateful) that the dates for meals are all full and Sarah mentioned that others still wanted to bring a meal.  I added two more dates, but please know that if I have to have treatment (i.e. chemo) after the surgery we will still need meals then.  I will try to post a message here if I add more dates, but as things get moving and treatment is determined please feel free to check Ekklesion again (and again), I'm sure there will be many more opportunities!  Again, thank you so much, I am so overwhelmed by your response, just knowing that people want to help has been an amazing relief.  It's just one less thing I have to worry about right now!

We are continuing to plug along.  I'm finding it very wierd to go about my normal daily activities knowing that there is this terrible disease, something fully capable of killing a person (not me though ;), growing inside of my body.  If I hadn't had the MRI I would be going about my daily activities just as I am today, completely unaware of the poison growing inside of me.  It's a very surreal feeling that we just need time to wrap our minds around.

Prayer Request (in addition to previous requests):
God continues to reveal himself to us as we walk this journey and that we may be able to reveal Him to others.

Praises

God is so good! I can't even count the number of times each day that I see his work in all of this. Sometimes it's the little things that are so amazing. He is an AWSOME God! How odd that after having a clean mammogram I would just a week later have an MRI also. Logically there was no reason for the MRI, but God knew. How amazing that it seems so far that we caught it so early, because of the MRI. How amazing is it that I know there are specific prayers being said for me every day, all the time and I know that those prayers are being answered.


So, that said, another praise that I have relating to the previous post is that I found out that I can in fact attend both the appt in grand rapids and the appt in Holland next Thursday. And I'm finding more and more that Holland may be the right option, it seems that even if I go to Grand Rapids, they may refer me to doctors that they have relationships with right here in Holland. I'm SOOO ready to get this done with, if I could check in tomorrow, I would be ok with that!

And, one more praise... today is a GREAT day! I feel great, for the first time this week I'm not in an emotional fog (although I may still be a bit scattered if you talk to me). I don't know whether it's because I'm in denial or because I've just accepted that I have cancer and am going to fight it or the more likely reason, because you are all praying for me. No matter the reason, I'll take a good day!


Sarah & Julie have offered to help arrange meals to be delivered just prior to and after the surgery, if you are intersted in signing up to bring one please visit Ekklesion. Many, many people have offered to help in many different ways, if you want your name added to a list of people who may be contacted when a need arises or notified of ways to help, please email Sarah (huizengasarah@gmail.com) and she or Julie will be in contact with you. I know that so many people want to and have offered to help and I wanted to be able to centralize those names and contact information.

Prayer Requests:
Continued peace and more good days
Clarity for decisions that need to be made
That I would be able to accept help, where and when it's needed
That I would continue to glorify God throughout this, even when things get tough
That Gods comforting arms would surround Matt and the kids constantly as well

More news & prayer requests

The surgeon I met with yesterday just called, they were able to cordinate a date with the plastic surgeon for surgery on April 30th. But there is a problem. I still want to get the second opinion and meet with the multispecialty team in Grand Rapids, my appt to do that is next thursday (4/22), which is also the day that I have an appointment to meet with the plastic surgeon (PS) in Holland. I can't do both, the appt in Grand Rapids is supposed to take all day. If I don't meet with the PS I can't have the surgery and they don't have any other appts available right now before April 30th, although they have put me on a cancellation list. So, I'm feeling pressured to make a decision, I took the appt for the surgery and told them I would pray about it and get back to them as soon as I've made a decision. Right now I'm just torn.

So, once again I am asking for your prayers, in addition to the previous prayer requests, could you please add that we would be able to make the right decision, that we would know what God's will is, and feel confident in whatever that is?

I'm exausted

It's 4:00 in the morning and I'm awake. Kind of a routine by now though. I just wanted to pop in and say Thank you. For everything. I have to say that I've received so many notes of encouragement, offers to help and best of all I know that you all are praying. And I feel those prayers. I have a calm that is unexplainable. Granted, I'm still an emotional rollercoaster, but I know that He is in control. He is my focus and He will get me through this! Our God is an AMAZING God.

Joy unspeakable that won't go away
just enough strength
to live for today
So I never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God.
Lyrics to Counting on God

As far as learning more or meeting with doctors and figuring out a plan I won't know anything else until next Thursday when I meet with a team of doctors at the Lemmen Holton Cancer Center in Grand Rapids. It's absolutely dreadful to me to have to wait that long, but there is nothing I can do. Waiting is still the worst part. I did get encouraging news at the doctor yesterday (Wednesday) regarding the pathology report, I don't have that in front of me right now and quite honestly it's a lot of big words that mean little to me, but basically the cancer cells didn't seem to be dividing quickly (which is a good thing), it is progesteron and estrogen receptive (I'm sure I spelled something wrong there, hey, it's 4 in the morning), another good thing. So, at this point it appears that we caught this early (Praise HIM), we won't know until after surgery if it has spread to lymph nodes though.

Current Prayer Requests:
Peace (and sleep)
Energy (because physically while nothing is different than it was 3 days ago, emotionally everything has changed)
The cancer has not spread into the lymph nodes
Patience while I wait to get into the doctor and get a plan going
My kids
The doctors I will eventually meet with

A good mom I'm not...

because if I was a good mom I would have updated this days ago, with pictures and stories from the first day of school. But the pictures are still on my camera, just waiting to be downloaded. I have a ton of other pictures that I have to get to first. I'm a little bit particular like that, I have to go in order, and in order to get to my own pictures I have to get through a bunch of fabulous clients pictures, which take longer than my own. So, it could be a while until you see those.

But, if your wondering, the first days went wonderfully. Landon was just a bit nervous the night before his first day but made it through without any real incident. He couldn't find his first class, and was just a bit late, but made it through the rest without a problem. He's sick of me asking questions about his classes and has had one homework assignment so far, aside from the reading.

Bailey is adjusting very well. She loves her class and is already talking about new friends, as well as old. I love to see this side of Bailey, b/c I remember all to well the Bailey that had to get on the bus to go to Kindergarten with tears in her eyes (as well as her mom's), in fact I think she was sobbing (I waited until I got home to sob), I vividly remember Matt putting her on the bus, because she wasn't going by herself (and quite honestly if he wasn't there I probably would have taken her home to cuddle with all day), good thing for husbands/dads! Anyway, third grade is going GREAT!

Elliot is bored. I think he's having issues with the kids being gone. He spends a lot of time mad at his brother. Yesterday he didn't want Landon to watch "Wubzy" (which is a whole different story) with him when he got home from school . Totally unlike Elliot. He loves his brother and loves to spend time with him. Hopefully we get past this soon.

I'm pretty sure I never posted this, but LILA IS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED. Regularly. Days and nights. She has to be swaddled up really really tight, but I don't care about that, whatever it takes. She still wakes up twiceish at night. (I know that isn't a word, but it works for this). Sometimes it's once, but more often it's twice. I try to feed her around 9, typically 8:30 though. She goes to bed for the night then. Wakes up around 1:30 and then sometimes again at 3:30, sometimes not until 5:45 or 6. We don't start our day then we try to go back to sleep, while she doesn't have a problem with that, sometimes I do. This morning I did, which is why I'm now rambing on and on and on...

So, that's an update, without pictures. I would love to share a picture, but it wouldn'tbe of my family, so that's pointless on this family blog.