April 22, 2011

Picture Heavy Birthday Post

This is a train table.  It has been an annoyance since month two.  While it was well loved and used, it was rarely used for it's intention and it took up a lot of room.  I've been looking for an art table for Miss Lila so that she doesn't ruin my coffee table anymore than she already has.  Cha-Ching... this table can be flipped over.  One side has water and grass for the train set, the other side was just partical board.  Was being the key word.  It is now a chalkboard and it is now sitting in my living room getting lot's and lot's of love!
 This bunny was fashioned after this pattern.  I used an old receiving blanket for the material and I stuffed it with rice so it can now be warmed in the microwave and used as a heating pad! 
 I've been busy making pillows as well.  From left to right.
1.  Burlap with a stenciled B, trimmed in orange ric rac. 
2. Lime green with aqua ruffle.
3. I used this pattern.  I cut all the pieces at our craft night at church and sewed it together the next day in less than half an hour!  Love it.
4. Lime pillow w/ aqua tie.
 This was another fun project, specifically for birthday party decorating!  I cut out lot's and lot's and lot's (and lot's) of 2" circles from scrapbook paper.

 and then I sewed them all together to make "streamers"!  Love it!  these may repurpose themselves into either Lila's room or the basement after her party this weekend!
 Just some fun pictures of my 2 year old!
 The updated table.  Lila is holding the picture we used for her birth announcement.  Her name in chalk, her as the I!

 Not sure why I love this picture so much, but I do love those lips!
 And, she asked to sit on the potty yesterday too.  She did nothing, but whatever.  I'm in NO hurry to get her potty trained!

 Yummy cake from Second Floor Bakery!
 Me and my girl!

Once again

I'm back, sorry it's been so long... once again.  I just never know what to say.  How much to say really.  I don't ever want to come across as whining and so I withold some of the truth, and I don't ever want to withold to much from so many people that have been praying so faithfully for me.

Over the course of the last year (yes, it's now been one year, which some of you remembered, thank you for the cards, facebook messages and emails), I've realized that while yes, I have cancer, so many have it so much worse.  Cancer is nothing in the big bucket of problems/trials.  It's that really little pebble that is hard to find (for me anyway), everyone else seems be carrying a rock, or even boulder. 

I will tell you that I have been dealing with a LOT of anxiety.  I don't know why, but I know that it feels like I have a brick on my chest at all times.  I've tried giving it to God, but obviously there is some part that I can't let go of.  I've tried some meds, which work ok, I'm seeing a counselor next week, and hopefully he can adjust my meds so that we have something that works all the time, something that will compliment my faith and time with God.  (This is how silly it is... I'm stressing right now because I have a pen and highlighter dedicated to bible study/quiet time.  It's the only one I use, I take it with me when I take my book anywhere.  (It's a bit obsessive I know), this morning, I find that they are both GONE.  Surely by the hands of a little culprit.  Surly by the hands of someone who didn't know how important in my mind those two little things were.  But, none the less... they are gone.  I've prayed, I've used somehting different, but I'm still obsessing, I"m anxious about where those pens are... and by this point your thinking I need to seek more help than I am, I'm sure.  I promise, I'm really ok. 

While your praying for crazy me, could you please pray for some cancer friends of mine?  Some that are facing some big stuff, some that found out "good" news, and some that are hoping to find out good news?  I would appreciate it and I know that they would as well!

I finally started dowloading pictures last night, it's been over a month since I have.  Soon I will be bombarding you with pictures from a certain little someones birthday!  Hint... she's kinda cute, she wears the most adorable pigtails, her belly hangs over her diaper, looks awfully cute in jeggings and has an attitude way bigger than herself! 

I intended this to be longer, but my favorite 4 year old just woke up and I think we need to snuggle for a bit before we start our day!  So... more later. 

April 2, 2011

Checking in... sorry for the delay!

All is well, for the most part over here.  I should have checked in long ago after telling you that I was having an MRI, sorry!  The MRI itself was awful.  I never knew that I was clausterphobic.  When I had my first MRI (about a year ago) I was laying on my stomach, head to the outside of the machine, so there was no real issues with feeling trapped.  This time I was head in, face up.  I felt as if I was in a coffin.  I kind of freaked out, but eventually let them push me back in, closed my eyes and prayed.  For an hour.  I was reciting the one verse that would come to my mind, over and over and over.  "Peace that surpasses all understanding" While reciting this verse to myself 1000 or more times I realized that I really need to do better at committing more to memory. 

Finally it was over!  Whew!

I can't remember all of the details, and quite honestly it's all a bit confusing from here.  Ultimately, the reason I had the MRI was because of arm pain, there was nothing on the MRI that showed a reason for any pain.  Whatever, I've given in to the fact that I will deal with this for the rest of my life.  But, they did see something else.  Whether that's an edema or inflamed muscle, I'm not sure (and who knows, maybe those are the same things).  Currently I think it's an inflamed muscle, I had a port-o-gram (they access the port in my chest, inject dye into it to see if there are any leaks), no problems with the port.  So right at this moment, we don't know what is the cause of this issue, or really even what the issue is.  I am having another MRI in the near future (not scheduled yet), this time with valium in hand, on my stomach, face out, to rule out any masses. 

Honestly, I'm pretty confident there is nothing to worry about, I've had a few traumas (aka surgery etc) to that area, which would be a good explanation.  My problem right now is that this is all happening at the same time as I was diagnosed last year.  (Yes, it's been a year).  I'm not a date person, I don't rely on the fact that my mom passed away on a certain date, I don't get sad on the anniversary of something that has happened, just not how I am, but, it's all just a little to parallel for me right now.  Another breast MRI, assuming there will be nothing to find, spring break (although this year were stuck in Michigan instead of sunny Florida)... it's just a little unsettling to me.  Don't read into that to much though, I'm not sitting around crying or shaking or anything like that, like I said before, I'm relatively confident that there is NOTHING to worry about.  God's just giving me a little reminder that he is still in control and that I need to give it to Him.  ("Here God, it's yours")  His plan is perfect, no matter what I really want to think of it. 

Spring break... we are home.  Bummer.  But, on the bright side (because there is always a bright side, right?), we aren't going to be stuck in the car for 2 days!  I'm hop'p'ing to go see a movie with the kids this week (can you guess which one?).  Lila will probably not appreciate it, unless of course she is buckled in a car seat, which is the ONLY time she will watch a movie, so I'll probably leave her somewhere.  I hope the rest of you are having a wonderful break (if this applies to you), the weather isn't great, but let's face it, it could be much much worse!