Lot's of them! Lot's of celebrating! Yesterday we celebrated our baby turning one. Whoa! ONE! This is the first time I haven't fully celebrated a first birthday! And I'm not going to beat myself up for it. She will never know the difference! In fact, we went to church at night and I put her in the nursery. Never would have done that with the first three! We had a small party here with her tonight. She enjoyed her cupcake yesterday and her full 8" round cake tonight! Mmmmmm, frosting! She got LOTS of Target gift cards which we intend to use to purchase a kitchen set!
All of the doctor appointments went very well today. All of the doctors were very pleasent as were the nurses I met with. I don't feel like I learned anything new though, it was all repeated information, no new suggestions or ideas as far as surgery or treatment go. I felt very confirmed, after meeting with the doctors, regarding my decision to stick with the doctor in Holland and go ahead with surgery on April 30. All morning (and really all day) I prayed for clarity. That God would just make it undeniably clear what I was supposed to do. And he provided. I can't exactly explain the decision to stay in Holland vs GR, it just was clear.
I also met with a plastic surgeon in Holland this afternoon. While the morning appointments almost seemed boring this was anything but boring. I went in planning on one type of reconstruction (implants), it was all I had thought about throughout the last week, other options were just out of the question. For some reason during the appointment I inquired about tram flap reconstruction, I didn't want to wait to much longer than a week though to do it, so it was kind of up on the air, when woudl they be able to get me in for the 10 hour surgery? Turns out if they pulled some strings they could possibly get me in on Monday, this coming Monday. Ummmm, ok. That's soon, but whatever. Again, lot's of prayer, God, please make this undeniably clear. They had to make a few more phone calls to verify it but were going to call me later.
Prior to leaving the office I also looked at some pictures of the doctors previous surgerys. I almost threw up to be quite honest. It was rough. It was reality. It just became a bit more real to me. I cried. I got mad. I accepted it and while I still want to cry and sob, I just can't, there isn't much left in me.
So, when I left there was a possibility I was going to have to rearrange a BUNCH of things to make Monday the day. I just kept praying, "God, please, make this clear to me, show me your will". When I got home Matt was on the phone with the office. The surgeon and plastic surgeon had talked and decided that we should stick with the original plan of implants. Because I'm diabetic they didn't know how well I would heal. I think the nurse was unsure of the reaction I would have, she just kept asking me how I was doing. I was fine. I know, without a doubt, that God is in control. He has proven that to me again and again and again.
So, surgery is on for next Friday, April 30. I will be in the hospital for approximately 48 hours, at which point I will return home, but still not be able to care for my youngest babe alone for quite a while.
I know that many of you were praying for me today and I can't say thank you enough. I know that there are prayers being said on behalf of myself and my family and it brings such a peace. I don't want to give the impression ever that this is easy or I don't have any bad days/times, because I do. I have times when I'm mad, sad, hurt, scared. There are days when I feel all of the above. I'm so thankful to have such a great God, such a great husband, family and friends. I can't imagine doing this without all of the support that I have. I am so blessed.
Please pray that I don't let myself get to anxious over the next week. Peace about the changes that my body is going to undergo.
Peace and understanding for my husband and kids.
Steady hands for the surgeons and quick healing for me.