I thought I had everything figured out and under control. I thought I knew that on Thursday I wouldn't be feeling well, because that is what happened last time. Obviously I shouldn't expect anything. God keeps throwing me curve balls.
I made it through the treatment fine (thanks Jen) and then woke up yesterday (Wednesday) feeling pretty lousy. Very nauseated and very very tired. I figured if I made it through yesterday today would be much better. Nope. Today I'm still very tired and very nauseaus. Don't get me wrong, it's all bareable, I'm able to force myself to get out and do things if I have to, it's just not pleasent!
Another thing I hadn't anticipated was bone pain. From the Nulasta shot. I've had this shot two times prior (always the day after chemo), it stimulates white blood cell growth. I've heard of others having bone pain, achy feelings from it, but had yet to experience it myself (which I proudly announced when asked), but I can no longer say that. Along with being tired and nauseaus I also feel like my body has the flu. I'm achy all over. I did find a bit of relief this evening by going swimming with the kids (thanks Kate and Carol). Being surrounded by water (or even just having my legs in the water) made the pain disappear. I did jump into the "deep" end with Bailey a couple of times and swam to the shallow end, wow, that was a workout for my arms (silly considering it's not an olympic size pool or anything), swimming is something I should consider more of! Anyway, enough complaining, tomorrow I will wake up and be just fine! :)
Lila LOVED swimming. She was definately not scared to put her face right into the water. Over and over and over. It wore her right out and thankfully she is in bed now!
I was doing a devotional before bed last night and felt like I could have written the story myself. It was amazing to me how similar I felt to the author. It's from "Praying Through Cancer" and was written by Sheri Schut:
I don't recall going through the so-called stages of grief...Why not me? After all, God had blessed me and spared me from so much. How could I question His will for my life, when at thirty-(one) I was diagnosed with (breast) cancer?
C.S. Lewis once said, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world". I was hearing God's voice loud and clear. He used my momentary suffering not only to conform me more to Christ but to put my focus on eternity.
God gently reminded me of all Christ had suffered - the perfect example of how I should endure trials. And He assured me of what awaited me on the other side of suffering when one day I will be permanently restored!
No matter our trials, big or small, we will all one day be permanently resotred with Christ! What an amazing day that will be! One day I will look normal again, God's normal though, and who knows what that looks like? One day we all will!
Prayers for continued energy and just feeling better are much appreciated right now! Prayers that my arm completely recovers so I have one less appointment to attend. Prayers that chemo does what it is supposed to do, that it kills the bad cells, but leaves me with some good! Praises that my blood counts on Tuesday were completely normal (good bone marrow she said)!