Merry Christmas {The only Christmas card you will get}

This is the best Christmas card I have time for this year, so sorry that it's not physically in your hands, but better than nothing, right?  And, based on the number I've received this year, I'm not alone in this!

I feel like this is all very repetitive since so many people are on facebook now, but I also want a "central" location for some of it too!

A few weeks ago our family took a little trip to Orlando.  Technically Kissimmee, but we spent most of our time in Orlando, at a small park called Walt Disney World.  Have you heard of it?  It's the most over rated, well run and populated park in the country, and probably even the world.

Everything we read said that this was the time of year to avoid.  Thanksgiving week.  We figured that since we haven't been there in years and years and years it wouldn't matter so much, we wouldn't know any different.  And, we wanted to avoid taking the kids out of school for any extended amount of time, since they had the whole week off, this worked out great!

I was very well prepared for a very stressful and crabby week (from myself).  I was anticipating getting frustrated and annoyed on a regular basis.

In the end, to be quite honest, it wasn't that bad.  It WAS crowded, no doubt about that.  Often times we felt as if we were swimming in a school of fish, you didn't really have a choice which way to go and you prayed that your kids were in the same route!  (Praise the LORD we never lost anyone)  Many times we almost hit someone because they stopped in the middle of the "road" right in front of us, but we understood that the reality was that this would happen, there were not a lot of choices for stopping.  I don't think I got annoyed with anyone.  That's huge for me!

It was GREAT to have my family to myself for a week.  It wasn't until we were on our way to the airport that I realized that this was our first vacation with just "our" little family!

Anyway, long story short, we had a great time, Disney does everything on an amazing level, I wish the rest of the world would get a clue from them about customer service.  We managed to get to all of the Disney parks, we went on most of the rides that we wanted to, we saw almost all of the shows that we wanted to see (the shows were my favorite part) and we got to spend some time by the pool!

The one thing I regret was that I did not take my big camera into the parks with me most days, it was just to much to lug around (and, it fell off my neck one day when the strap came loose and crashed on the path and slid across between a few peoples feet, narrowly avoiding a disaster), but the point and shoot camera that i have is not very good and my cell phone camera is even worse, so a LOT of my pictures are blurry, colorless and worse, but I keep telling myself that it's the memory that counts, the pictures still reflect the good time we had, just not in such a good way!

1 Timothy 2:1

I'm here again asking you to pray.

1 Timothy 2:1 (MSG) 

The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know.

I saw this verse the other day as part of a longer verse which popped up on Bible Gateway.  It was perfect timing.  I couldn't say it better if I tried.  

I'm asking you to pray.  Every way you know how.  For a very specific little girl.  

This is Lila and her good friend Lydia.  Lydia and her family need your prayers.  They recently discovered a tumor on her optic nerve and yesterday this sweet girl started chemotherapy.  Pray that the chemo works like it's supposed to and shrinks the tumor, pray every way you know how for this family.  

You can view her carepage here.  

It must be October!

Popular Posts (and picture)

I was just looking around my blog a bit, checking stats etc (not that stats mean anything to me really, just wondered about a few things).

I checked out the most popular post of all time.

It was this one.  I hope that that means that lot's of prayers were and are still said for Kristi and her family.

And for Lindy's family.

This is the picture from the above post...

This is the picture that got me a bit teary tonight.

Yikes.  It's pretty bad.  

We've all changed.  A LOT.  

2 of these girls have gone to be with Jesus.  

We've all grown a lot more hair.  And maybe got a better style too!  :)

Thank you for following along all these years, for all the prayers and for loving me when I looked like that.

I Will Rise When He Calls my Name

My anxiety level is through the roof right now and i just couldn't put a finger on why.

And then I realized it.

It's not school starting. (which has gone very well by the way)

It's not the heat. (I'm sick of sweating, these cooler nights have been a relief)

It's not all the time I've been spending alone with Lila. (ok, maybe a little)

It's not making dinner every night. (I don't)

It's because cancer sucks.

Simply that.

Cancer is currently taking the life of another amazing woman, who is a mom and a wife and a friend.

That sucks. (a lot)

If you aren't doing it yet, could you please pray for Lindy and her family? They need it right now. And now. And tonight. And tomorrow. And for a long time to come.

Heaven is going to be an amazing place, and Lindy will be lucky to be healed and walk with Jesus, but for those of us who haven't been lucky enough to walk through those gates yet, it sucks to loose her (anyone), especially for her family.

And I Will Rise when he calls my name

No more sorrow, No more pain

I Will Rise, on Eagle's wings

Before my God fall on my kness, and rise

I Will Rise

From I will Rise, by Chris Tomlin

My hideout

So, Lila had a bloody nose that lasted about half an hour last night.  We sat in my bed for quite some time holding a washcloth over her nose, waiting for it to subside.

Finally it did.

I was wide awake at that point.

So, instead of waking Matt up, I went on the couch to watch tv.

When I woke up this morning for a minute I had a bright idea.  You may remember a while back, my post about Lila's willingness to wake me up, but her lack of willingness to wake her dad up.

To deter this, I decided to get sneaky.

I hid.

In a corner that is blocked from view by the couch.

Go ahead and judge me.  It's ok.  I know you haven't experienced Lila like I have.

I was laying in the corner doing important stuff catching up on Facebook activity.

And then I heard little feet.

First they went to my bedroom, just as I suspected they would.

And then she must have paused to find my scent.

Because just seconds later she was stepping over me, to ask for breakfast.

Seriously.

That girl couldn't find her blanket if it was in front of her face, yet she walks right to me, in a corner where stuff has been known to go missing for a day or two.

She must really really love her momma!  I am blessed!  ;-)

I'm free

I'M FREE

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I'm following the path God laid, you see.
I took His hand when I heard him call.
I turned around and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I've found the peace on a sunny day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joys.
A family shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Oh yes, these things, I too, will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee.
God wanted me now; He set me free.

~ Unknown ~

Found via Christian memorium poems

Heaven gains another angel

Last night my grandfather (father to Mary, who was my step-mom for many years) passed away into the arms of Jesus.  Please pray for the family as they go through this difficult time.  He was an amazing man!

We belong to the Lord

Romans 14:8

If we live, it is for the Lord. If we die, it is for the Lord. If we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

Lamentations 3:22-26, 31-32

It is because of the Lord’s loving-kindness that we are not destroyed for His loving-pity never ends. It is new every morning. He is so very faithful. “The Lord is my share.” says my soul, “so I have hope in Him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the one who looks for Him. It is good that one should be quiet and wait for the saving power of the Lord. 

For the Lord will not turn away from a man forever. For if He causes sorrow, He will have loving-pity because of His great loving-kindness. 

So many people in need of prayer right now.

I have three grandparents suffering major illness right now.

I know there are many others.

My heart is painfully heavy for them all.  

My heart is heavy for all those mourning for them in their illness.

Praying God brings them comfort and peace.

I "heart" media

Remember my last post where I talked about that book. 7. By Jen Hatmaker? Yeah, still reading it. Still tossing it around in my head.

I've read about her food fast, her clothing fast, her possession fast and am currently on the media chapter. They have all been a bit painful to read.

I like food. I like food with flavor even more. No way I could EVER eat only seven foods for a month. (she does each month in the way she feels would be the best fit for her, her friends do their own version, focusing on the same "topic" each month)

The clothing fast, well, that would be difficult (especially since it was 95 degrees yesterday and is now 65), but I think that ultimately I could do it without to much pain.

Possessions? Well, I really would like to get rid of half the stuff in my house, I know it would be hard, but definitely not the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

Then came the media chapter. Yup, this is the one I would struggle with. A lot. (don't get me wrong, those previous ones would affect me, I just think that media would affect me the most right now). Take my tv away, I could handle that, I would just have a hard time getting to sleep at night. No big deal. But DO NOT take my Internet away. I like Facebook, and blogs and family feud, and pinterest, and allrecipes and... Well, you get the point, I like them all far to much.

I sometimes dream of having a media free week in my house, but when I picture that, I picture all the kids going to bed and me hopping on the computer as soon as they are sleeping, because I'm definitely not the one with a problem.. And then I thought harder about it and knew that I would have just as hard of a time as they would. And then my thoughts drift to all of the fabulous family time we would have together. With lots of sunshine and lollipops everywhere.. So, I'm tossing this around in my head, to see what this means for me. What God intends this to mean for myself and family.

I also found this post from MelissaJenna, "I'm being haunted" that seemed to take ALL the thoughts that are floating around in my head and translate them into something that someone could read (because in my head they look more like a tangled up ball of yarn that cannot be put in order).

Fasting???? Really?

Fasting? Ha, that's not for me, I mean goodness, I like food WAY to much I'm diabetic after all, that surely wouldn't be safe.

What is the point of fasting anyway? How could going without food draw me closer to God? Pshhh, really?

Enter 7. I've heard about this book twice in a one week period and was intrigued. I downloaded to the kindle app and jumped right in.

I haven't read a book in years. Seriously, just can't get into any of them. This one has captured my interest though. I've always marveled at how much STUFF we have. And how little we think those in third world countries have. (I shared this article on Facebook a while back, which I think has a great point)

This is the book description from Amazon:
American life can be excessive, to say the least. That’s what Jen Hatmaker had to admit after taking in hurricane victims who commented on the extravagance of her family’s upper middle class home. She once considered herself unmotivated by the lure of prosperity, but upon being called “rich” by an undeniably poor child, evidence to the contrary mounted, and a social experiment turned spiritual was born.

7 is the true story of how Jen (along with her husband and her children to varying degrees) took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence.

Food. Clothes. Spending. Media. Possessions. Waste. Stress. They would spend thirty days on each topic, boiling it down to the number seven. Only eat seven foods, wear seven articles of clothing, and spend money in seven places. Eliminate use of seven media types, give away seven things each day for one month, adopt seven green habits, and observe “seven sacred pauses.” So, what’s the payoff from living a deeply reduced life? It’s the discovery of a greatly increased God—a call toward Christ-like simplicity and generosity that transcends social experiment to become a radically better existence.

I'm hoping to be inspired to get rid of lots of stuff. I'm hoping to grow closer to God.

I also came across this article today...

I feel like God is telling me something, I just need to figure out exactly what that is. And so I will be praying.

What are your thoughts on the topic of excess? Share.

Summer Scene

First of all, a few pictures:

My sister Sarah got married this past winter and had a reception/party a few weeks ago.  This is just a pic of the girls, enjoying their slushies!

My kiddo's at the reception/party

Me and this guy.  Love him.

Balloon drop in downtown Zeeland.  Each balloon had something in it.  The ones we captured had dollar bills and coupons/gift certificates for various stores.  There were lots and lots of people.  Free stuff.  In Zeeland.  Of course there was!  (You should have seen the ice cream line... YIKES)

Look at all of those hands reaching up to grab balloons!

  

Bad picture, but just shows how crazy it was!  Lila got stuck in the crowd... oh, and I forgot to mention, when the balloons dropped, they were either popping by themselves, or people were popping them and it was LOUD.  She didn't like that!

So... doesn't this look FUN?  Terrible picture, but just notice how packed that ladder is to go up.  And look at those little faces turning around, looking for mom or dad, thinking "Why did I do this?".

With Sadie's help, Lila made it up.  And down.  And up again.  And down again.  And then she was done.

Just 'cause.

Daddy's already helping fix her car... Love that hand on arm!

How our garden grows!

What's not to love here?

Landon left Sunday night with the Middle School youth group on a mission trip of sorts, it's called a Possum trip.  Basically, they travel all night and wake up in a new place each morning where they do service projects and entertainment stuff as well.  The kids don't know where they are going.  The parents don't know where they are going (until the child is almost on the bus ready to leave).  Monday they woke up in Hershey PA and today they were in Maryland.  These kids are going to make some great memories.  You can follow their journey here if you want.  They could use some prayers too.  Started off with a bus that didn't have air conditioning (imagine that stink), switching buses set them a little behind schedule, there was an accident which could cause major headaches for the bus company (everyone was fine), it seems as if Satan is trying to attack every time they turn around!

Lets get real...

When you talk are you giving people the impression that your life is PERFECT?

We all do it.

We highlight the great parts of our days, kids, marriages etc. we all know in reality that no one has a PERFECT life, yet when that is what we hear over and over and over again, what are we supposed to think?

I'm not thinking of anyone in particular with this post, so don't get all paranoid or anything, I'm mostly reminding myself that I want to be real. Without sounding as if I'm complaining. Or overdoing it.

 Because sometimes I think I sound like a wicked witch of a mother, but I promise I'm not (most of the time).

 I'm just being completely honest.

 I do yell at my kids when I've had enough. And sometimes I yell because I'm overwhelmed with things that have nothing to do with them.

 I do disagree with my husband. And, I do hold a grudge. Silently. For a little while.

 I do feel forgotten sometimes. By family, friends, God. And I do get sad. Sometimes I cry. (that brings me to a whole other topic though...)

 I do feel like a failure as a parent. I haven't taught them enough about how to spend and save wisely. Or how to be a good friend. Or how to be compassionate. Or how to use common sense. Are they going to be ok in life because of all of my failures? I don't know. And sometimes it worries me.

 But, those things are all normal. Why cant we all just be honest about it?

 And to clarify...
 I know that I am the best mother I can be.
I'm the best wife I can be.
I'm the best friend I can be.

 I think this post has gotten away from me again... But what I really wanted to say was... Try to be real. Let the walls down, reveal a little of yourself, we can all learn from each other!

What do you get when you mix...

Baseball
Volleyball camp
Basketball camp
Basketball practice
The edge (sports training camp)
Friends, both new and old
Family
Vacation bible school
More basketball
Sprinklers
Fountains
Garden picking (and immediately devouring)
Pools
Fishing
Lawn mowing
Impromptu beach trips (how lucky are we that it is completely acceptable to head to the beach for only half of an hour?)
Lazy mornings in bed (it's almost 11 and I'm still in bed, Lila is napping next to me)
Doctor appointments
Dentist appointments
Laundry
Summer stretch (aka forcing one child to read once in a while)
 And throw a few birthdays in the mix...
 What do you get?

Summer!
And, I wouldn't change any most of it!

 I would love to squeeze a bit of family time into the mix... A short vacation would be great, but we will have to wait and see I guess. It's likely that is just a dream!

 I reset the timer in my car to see how many hours I spend driving in a week... I have until Thursday evening to complete a week, I'll let you know. I'm expecting a significant portion of my life is spent behind the wheel!

Prayers please

Not for me.  But for a lot of other people.

Do you have those days when you scroll quick through facebook and see sadness after sadness?  And then you go through your blogs quick and see more?  And you know that all you can do is pray?  But you don't feel as if it's enough?  And so you want to ask those around you to pray with you?

Please just be aware of those around you and the prayers they may be needing.

If you could specifically pray for:
Lindy, Dusty and family
Matt's Grandma Helen, she is in the hospital right now (since late last week) due to bleeding on her brain
Those that have recently had babies, specifically those whose babies are experiencing complications right now,
Those undergoing treatment for cancer
All the teachers and kids who are about to be done with school for the summer
Safety for those traveling right now
Those grieving the loss of a loved one

This is by no means an exclusive list, I'm positive there are many things going on that I know nothing about, there are things that no one knows anything about, just God, which is why we pray to Him.

My REALlife. Right now.

So, last night I started a new sleeping pill. The first one I was on (and have been on for years) started having some not so stellar effects on my weight, weird, the second was giving me nightmares about three times a week(typically I was murdered, which makes for a very unrestful nights sleep and a grumpy mama in the morning).

 So, on to number three. Last night was not so great, let's say that I WILL be increasing the dose tonight so that I can sleep past 4am. TV was a little creepier at 4am than I remember, and it wasn't long at all until it was bright outside and the birds were going CRAZY.

 So, so that I wouldn't disturb my peacefully sleeping husband, I went out on the couch. First I tried to watch some tv. Creepy. It's amazing how many weird people are in this world. Then I watched some old episodes of Cougar Town that I wanted to catch up on. Better. Still couldn't sleep. I read a little. But I was so tired I couldn't really comprehend anything I was reading. Time to try something else. How about some bejeweled (how do some people get such astronomically high scores in that game?) Nope, that didn't work either (duh!). Then I finally decided to try closing my eyes and listening to the birds. Bam. That worked. For a minute.

 Until I heard the bedroom door open. No it wasn't the creepy people from 4am TV, it was the creepy cute people from the bedroom next to mine. I quickly covered my head with the blanket, but it didn't work, it's as if that child can smell me like a hunting dog after the kill. I was not happy. I had JUST fallen into a light sleep.

"Hi mom!" came that all to cheerful morning voice. But, it's only cheerful for a minute. Then it just gets whiney, no worries though, her whiney voice only lasts from about 8am until 10am we leave to go SOMEWHERE, and then again from about noon until she is napping, oh, and then when she wakes up from her nap until about bedtime, so really, not so bad.

 "Hi hunny", I reply into my pillow.

 "I want to watch cartoons".

 "Go tell your dad". (who, is sleeping in our bed, with the remote control to turn the tv on, I on the other hand am in the living room without a tv).

 I hear little footsteps walk toward the bedroom, and then walk back.

 "He is sleeping".

 I hear lots of not so kind words going on in my head right then. But I keep them in my head. It's better that way.

 "But I was sleeping to dear child of mine!". (or something like that).

 And so the day begins.

 "Can you get me breakfast?"

"Mom, I need toilet paper."

"I want milk"

"Not in that cup, in the OTHER cup"

"I need my face washed"

"I wanted to spread the butter and throw sprinkle the cinnamon and sugar all over the house toast"

"can reed come over?"

 "Where are we going today?"

"Who's coming over?"

"Mama, who coming' over'?"

"who coming ove'?"

"Awwwwww, I want a fwend come over'!"

"do you want to get dressed? Cuz, I feel like I do. I really feel like I do want get dressed. OK mom?"

 God, help me deal with this whining for however much linger it has to last, but maybe even better would be if she would quit whining quite so much. It's like nails on a chalkboard. Amen

Is it really getting easier?

It wasn't long ago that I dreaded the thought of Matt going fishing.  It meant I had three kids home with me (typically) and I had to entertain them myself, take them wherever we wanted to go by myself etc.  really not a big deal but if it was a Saturday or Sunday night I kind of expected (and was used to) him being around to help me.  But for the past two years he has out his life on hold to take care of me after surgeries and during chemo.  So, now it's his turn.

He has been out fishing a few times already, and he loves it.  I should also mention he is working full time (obviously) and coaching baseball and will be coaching football at the end of fishing season as well, so his fishing times are pretty limited.  I'm getting used to it.  And, bonus, Elliot loves to go now too, so it ends up being girls at home!

A few weeks ago (I tried to post a similar post then, but something got messed up and it didn't go through), the boys were out fishing and it was HOT out.  So, what were the girls supposed to do?  Well go to the beach of course.  It was a last minute idea, and it was so nice that we were out the door ten minutes later.  No diapers, no sippy cups, very few beach toys (just enough), no food (the nice part of an evening beach trip), and no chairs (the nice part of a short beach trip).  We got there around 5:45ish.  The beach was still quite busy, but we had no problem walking right down to the water and plopping ourselves down.  Lila had a ball playing in the water, filling buckets with water and digging holes, bailey tried to stay out of the water mostly, but did help Lila dig a little!  We stayed for about an hour and a half and then picked up our stuff and walked back to the car.  Just one bag.  Easy-peasy!  

I felt so free!  And it made me very excited for more beach/pool days this summer! 

It's a good thing I'm excited for those, because summer is almost here. Literally.  I've kind of been freaking out getting some stuff together so that we keep a little routine in our lives.  What are my expectations?  What are the kids expectations?  How in the world am I going to get and keep this house clean?  What can I do to help the kids not loose everything they have learned this year? (none of them actually qualified for the Zeeland Summer Stretch program, although I think bailey is going to be doing some sort of book club that she is looking forward to). How am I going to figure out who needs a ride to where and when every day (the bummer of summer is that I'm running around a lot more).

For now though, we sit and snuggle and watch cartoons and try not to freeze our sunburns off!

13 fabulous and frustrating years

It has been 13 years today since I said "I do" promise to love him through sickness and health, richer or poorer, til death do we part.  Never did I imagine that day what the next years would bring, and I'm sure now I can't even begin to imagine what the next 13 will bring either.  I love this man more now than I could have ever imagined.  So often I see people commenting on how great their husband is and what wonderful things he does or says, and I often scratch my head and wonder how they could have the best husband ever when I have the best husband ever?  It all comes down to him being the best husband for me.  Some people could not have been as supporting or compassionate over the last two years as we fought cancer together, but he was. He has accepted me just the way I am, both inside and outside.  He put up with my constant crying after the birth of our third and supported me as I fought to find a medicine that would help me feel normal and not be so anxious. He knows what I like and will avoid what I don't like just because he knows (aka food at a restaurant).  It's not all the big things either, it's the little things like closing the shower curtain after a shower or opening the blinds in the morning so we don't look like we live in a cave, or putting gas in my car so I don't have to worry about it, or rearranging his schedule to accommodate mine.  He simply is the best  husband for me!  Yup.  I love him.  For better or worse. In sickness and health, richer or poorer, until death (and long after I hope).

We were just kids. We had a kid. We kinda had to get married. It wasn't always easy those first years. Lots of learning and adjusting had to be done. We preserved and here we are.  Three kids and one house later!  Nothing I would change about this relationship!

3 years old Lila

Just a little cuteness to start off things right!

 Lila last year when she was two.  Lila this year, when she is three!

 God had a little pink up his sleeve for this little girl the night before her birthday!

 Lila added a little pink to her cupcakes, just like Pinkalicious does in the book.

 Bailey and a friend actually made the cupcakes and frosted them, with a LOT of frosting!

 Love this girl!  When she is happy, she is very happy.  

 She got a little shy when everyone was singing to her.

 This little girl lover some gum, and her friend Reed knows it! 

 A princess she is!  Crown and all!

 After the party, I took a few pictures of Archer!

 Bro's!

Hangin' out, just watchin' Bailey play ipod!

No more PIPEYS!

She was sucking on her ring pop.  I was on my computer.  She said to me, "I don't need a Pipey anymore".  I said, "Quick Landon, find the scissors, take the camera, we need pictures of this".  

He took the pictures.

Her and I cut the Pipey.  

Both of them.

She smiled.  

I smiled.  

It was great!  

 The she kept on sucking on her ring pop like nothing ever happened.

 Almost like a pipey.  Big brother, little brother and baby girl.  (Big girl was off running or something energetic like that)

As bedtime nears, the tears are starting to come.
She wants the pipey back.
I will admit that we cut them just as much for her as me.
This way I can't cave in.
Pray for us tonight as we beat this addiction together!

Additional Session Times for Fundraiser

Daytime offerings didn't seem to be a big hit, and I know that some families had issues with Wednesday nights, so I'm now offering an additional evening for you to participate in this fundraiser!

Same deal as before, just register by clicking the picture above!  Times will be assigned on a first come first serve basis, starting and 5:30, you can put in a request and if it works out I will do what I can, but I would like to keep them all back to back so that there isn't a large amount of time where I'm not photographing!  Thanks for your understanding!

Good Friday

A portion of a blog post from www.desiringgod.org titled The Father's Cup (Good Friday)

Then Jesus is startled by a foul odor. It isn’t the stench of open wounds. It’s something else. And it crawls inside him. He looks up to his Father. His Father looks back, but Jesus doesn’t recognize these eyes. They pierce the invisible world with fire and darken the visible sky. And Jesus feels dirty. He hangs between earth and heaven filthy with human discharge on the outside and, now, filthy with human wickedness on the inside.

The Father speaks:

Son of Man! Why have you sinned against me and heaped scorn on my great glory?

You are self-sufficient and self-righteous — consumed with yourself and puffed up and selfishly ambitious.

You rob me of my glory and worship what’s inside of you instead of looking out to the One who created you.

You are a greedy, lazy, gluttonous slanderer and gossip.

You are a lying, conceited, ungrateful, cruel adulterer.

You practice sexual immorality; you make pornography, and fill you mind with vulgarity.

You exchange my truth for a lie and worship the creature instead of the Creator. And so you are given up to your homosexual passions, dressing immodestly, and lusting after what is forbidden.

With all your heart you love perverse pleasure.

You hate your brother and murder him with the bullets of anger fired from your own heart.

You kill babies for your convenience.

You oppress the poor and deal slaves and ignore the needy.

You persecute my people.

You love money and prestige and honor.

You put on a cloak of outward piety, but inside you are filled with dead men’s bones — you hypocrite!

You are lukewarm and easily enticed by the world.

You covet and can’t have so you murder.

You are filled with envy and rage and bitterness and unforgiveness.

You blame others for your sin and are too proud to even call it sin.

You are never slow to speak.

And you have a razor tongue that lashes and cuts with its criticism and sinful judgment.

Your words do not impart grace. Instead your mouth is a fountain of condemnation and guilt and obscene talk.

You are a false prophet leading people astray.

You mock your parents.

You have no self-control.

You are a betrayer who stirs up division and factions.

You’re a drunkard and a thief.

You’re an anxious coward.

You do not trust me.

You blaspheme against me.

You are an un-submissive wife.

And you are a lazy, disengaged husband.

You file for divorce and crush the parable of my love for the church.

You’re a pimp and a drug dealer.

You practice divination and worship demons.

The list of your sins goes on and on and on and on. And I hate these things inside of you. I’m filled with disgust, and indignation for your sin consumes me.

Now, drink my cup!

And Jesus does. He drinks for hours. He downs every drop of the scalding liquid of God’s own hatred of sin mingled with his white-hot wrath against that sin. This is the Father’s cup: omnipotent hatred and anger for the sins of every generation past, present, and future — omnipotent wrath directed at one naked man hanging on a cross.

The Father can no longer look at his beloved Son, his heart’s treasure, the mirror-image of himself. He looks away.

Jesus pushes himself upward and howls to heaven, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Silence.

Separation.

Jesus whispers, “I’m thirsty,” and he sags.

The merciful centurion soaks a sponge in sour wine and lifts it on a reed to Jesus’ lips. And the sour wine is the sweetest drink he ever tasted.

Jesus pushes himself up again and cries, “It is finished.” And it is. Every sin of every child of God has been laid on Jesus and he drank the cup of God’s wrath dry.