Bluebird :: Part 1

Lately, I have been very anxious.  I've ahd a few anxiety attacks.  Life has just felt very difficult. 

I think there are a few reasons for these feelings.  One was that on a very very subconcious level the one year mark scared me.  (did I mention that this was on a ver subconcious level?)  Another reason was the recent MRI's and the difficulty getting straight forward answers.  Ultimately everything is fine in regards to that as well, which I 90% knew all along, but there is always that little doubt that creeps in and consumes. 

Fast forward a little to the Monday before my last herceptin treatment.  I got an email from one of the nurses at Cancer & Hematology.  She was telling me about this Bluebird Cancer Retreat.  I had seen the brochures at the office, but always kind of looked past them, dismissing them as something that wasn't my style.  But after looking at the Bluebird website a bit and seeing all they do, including pampering, I decided I was in (did I mention I only had about 10 days notice, and it happened to work and my husband was immediately on board with the idea?). 

With anxiety in my chest I called and signed up.  I knew that the timing of this was no coincidence.  I needed to get away in a really bad way and better yet, God knew it, and provided a way for it to happen. 

I had a lot of anxiety about going by myself.  I was telling a friend about this anxiety and she said soemthing that made me think.  She said "I'll pray you meet someone in the parking lot".  I hadn't even thought of that.  I'm so quick to pray for the big picture, that was a detail I hadn't thought to pray so specifically for. 

On the way to Camp Geneva I felt completely sick.  I almost said forget it and turned around.  Despite the anxiety that I was carrying (that felt like a large brick on my chest), I continued on.  I pulled into the parking lot feeling teh brick getting heavier by the second.  I jumped out of the truck (literally jumped, it was Matt's truck) and saw a women wearing a blue sparkly hat, giving me the hint that I was in the right place!  I then turned to see another 'camper' walking up as well, she had a great, welcoming smile.  We were both welcomed with a hug by the director and told to go inside. 

Once inside we were introduced to each other.  While I didn't learn her name until we were inside (for privacy purposes, we'll call her C), I know that God was faithful in answering that prayer about finding a friend in the parking lot. 

At the same time I was introduced to my roomate (who for privacy purposes, we'll call A).  This is another area where I've had a lot of anxiety.  Sleep doesn't come easy for me (if your a longtime reader you know this already), so I take Ambien which puts me into a very deep sleep.  Sometimes I snore.  Sometimes I talk, many times I don't remember things frmot eh time I take the pill until I fall asleep.  So anyway, this all had me a bit anxious and nervous. 

Turns out A and I got along great, we both have 4 year old sons (her only), we are both Christians, we are almost the same age and one of the best parts, wass we both took Ambien to sleep.  God is SO good! (oh yeah, did I mention we both had cancer or was that kind of assumed since we were at a cancer retreat and all?)

On Friday we introduced ourselves, told what kind fo cancer we had, did some yoga (a first for me), ate dinner, did some more discussion time, had dessert and went to bed.  I was SO tired, but so ready for another day, God had already shown me multiple times in just these short first hours that this was where I was meant to be at this time. 

This is only part 1 or my weekend.  I plan to tell you so much more about what a wonderful time I had here.  If you have had (ever) cancer or know someone who would benefit from this, please check out the website!  There are three more retreats this year I believe!