Lot's of things have changed. My hair is about 10 inches shorter. My chest is completely lopsided (opposed to being non-existent last year), more on that later in this post. I've gone through many ups and downs. But, that's life, not just my life. In fact, I know that many people's up are much higher than mine, and many lows much lower. I've heard the word cancer more times than I ever wanted to in the last year. And they weren't referring to myself. I feel like every time I turn around someone else has cancer or knows someone who does. It sucks. It makes my heart ache. What is going on????? I really thought that having cancer and seeing how others helped us would make me so much better at helping others. Well, that's not the case. I still don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I feel helpless. That sucks too.
So anyway, that tangent is over. Chest lopsided. Well... reconstruction was miserable for me. I know many people who are up walking around and doing things the next day. Not me. I was down for a good week. And, guess what. The results... well, they suck. (I know that doesn't sound nice, but it sounds much nicer than other things I could say...) Anyway... because of the originally unplanned radiation on the left side, the results are not optimal (to say the least). It's to the point where I can't hide it, even though I know it's more obvious to me than the rest of the world, even my doctors have said it's not good. So, what do you do to fix that? You have surgery again of course. Do you go in to lift one up and still have less than perfect results? or do you go the much more invasive route of having a tram flap done? One hour surgery or 8? One week recovery or 8 weeks? Long term good results or temporary questionable ones? Arghhhh. This isn't easy. Right now I'm leaning toward the TRAM flap. In fact, pending insurance approval, it's scheduled. For June 6. So, I'm requesting prayers for clear direction on this. And, if I go through with it, the support we would need to get through the recovery.
Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful mom's I know!
(One of the roses that my wonderful husband gave me for our 12 year anniversary on May 1)