December 4, 2009

Can I be completely honest?

Seriously, life is not all rainbows and sunshine. You have to have rain to have a rainbow. I'm living in the rain right now. Life has been in a bit of a slump.

Lila is difficult. She is still up at LEAST 3 times at night. That's minimum. I am up with her every time, b/c if I ask Matt to do it it just makes the situation worse. Not that he's not willing, he's just not able.

I am a girl that likes my sleep. A LOT. I'm not a morning person (I REALLY like to stay in my bed as long as possible) and I'm not a night person either (I go to bed around 9 or 10), I like to sleep, that's what kind of person I am. So, since I haven't slept a full night in over 7 months (not to mention pregnancy when I didn't sleep either) I'm a little worn down. OK, a lot worn down.

I thought I was dealing with the whole thing quite well, but I just hit a wall. I want to cry, scream and stomp my feet more often than I want to smile and laugh. I don't always do it, but sometimes I do. I want to take naps, but Lila doesn't. Or she will when the older two get home, which means I can't.

When she is awake, she just want's me to either be RIGHT BY HER or holding her. Doesn't leave me much time to do important things, like shower, clean, wash dishes, laundry, cook dinner, you know, the things that get us by and make us presentable. I'm at a point where I probably just need to let her scream it out, but that just seems cruel.
To all of us.
I guess leaving her out front with a for sale sign would be cruel to though. Somedays I feel like it. Don't worry though, I wouldn't do it.
She might get cold.

OK, enough venting. Funny thing is, I have these posts quite often, but rarely do I hit "Publish Post". Today though, I'm going to, I can't be the only one in the blogiverse feeling this way. We all have our days. Right?

(I get to go watch an Arthur movie that I've watched a million and one times right now. Aren't I lucky? Yup, I am lucky, b/c I get to watch it with my favorite 3 year old and my favorite Lila, who are both healthy, happy children, who both have beds to sleep in and food to eat, I AM lucky)


Beck said...

You're not the only one, and even when you realize how blessed you are, difficult living conditions take their toll... that's reality, not invented troubles! I hope Lila sleeps for you soon...

Denise said...

I'm glad you posted this... it's just keeping things real. And, in my opinion, that's what being a mom is all about. We need to stick together. I'm sure your days are L O N G and feel never ending. I'll pray for a good night sleep for you!

I found your blog while blog hopping!