April 2, 2011

Checking in... sorry for the delay!

All is well, for the most part over here.  I should have checked in long ago after telling you that I was having an MRI, sorry!  The MRI itself was awful.  I never knew that I was clausterphobic.  When I had my first MRI (about a year ago) I was laying on my stomach, head to the outside of the machine, so there was no real issues with feeling trapped.  This time I was head in, face up.  I felt as if I was in a coffin.  I kind of freaked out, but eventually let them push me back in, closed my eyes and prayed.  For an hour.  I was reciting the one verse that would come to my mind, over and over and over.  "Peace that surpasses all understanding" While reciting this verse to myself 1000 or more times I realized that I really need to do better at committing more to memory. 

Finally it was over!  Whew!

I can't remember all of the details, and quite honestly it's all a bit confusing from here.  Ultimately, the reason I had the MRI was because of arm pain, there was nothing on the MRI that showed a reason for any pain.  Whatever, I've given in to the fact that I will deal with this for the rest of my life.  But, they did see something else.  Whether that's an edema or inflamed muscle, I'm not sure (and who knows, maybe those are the same things).  Currently I think it's an inflamed muscle, I had a port-o-gram (they access the port in my chest, inject dye into it to see if there are any leaks), no problems with the port.  So right at this moment, we don't know what is the cause of this issue, or really even what the issue is.  I am having another MRI in the near future (not scheduled yet), this time with valium in hand, on my stomach, face out, to rule out any masses. 

Honestly, I'm pretty confident there is nothing to worry about, I've had a few traumas (aka surgery etc) to that area, which would be a good explanation.  My problem right now is that this is all happening at the same time as I was diagnosed last year.  (Yes, it's been a year).  I'm not a date person, I don't rely on the fact that my mom passed away on a certain date, I don't get sad on the anniversary of something that has happened, just not how I am, but, it's all just a little to parallel for me right now.  Another breast MRI, assuming there will be nothing to find, spring break (although this year were stuck in Michigan instead of sunny Florida)... it's just a little unsettling to me.  Don't read into that to much though, I'm not sitting around crying or shaking or anything like that, like I said before, I'm relatively confident that there is NOTHING to worry about.  God's just giving me a little reminder that he is still in control and that I need to give it to Him.  ("Here God, it's yours")  His plan is perfect, no matter what I really want to think of it. 

Spring break... we are home.  Bummer.  But, on the bright side (because there is always a bright side, right?), we aren't going to be stuck in the car for 2 days!  I'm hop'p'ing to go see a movie with the kids this week (can you guess which one?).  Lila will probably not appreciate it, unless of course she is buckled in a car seat, which is the ONLY time she will watch a movie, so I'll probably leave her somewhere.  I hope the rest of you are having a wonderful break (if this applies to you), the weather isn't great, but let's face it, it could be much much worse!

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