My REALlife. Right now.

So, last night I started a new sleeping pill. The first one I was on (and have been on for years) started having some not so stellar effects on my weight, weird, the second was giving me nightmares about three times a week(typically I was murdered, which makes for a very unrestful nights sleep and a grumpy mama in the morning).

 So, on to number three. Last night was not so great, let's say that I WILL be increasing the dose tonight so that I can sleep past 4am. TV was a little creepier at 4am than I remember, and it wasn't long at all until it was bright outside and the birds were going CRAZY.

 So, so that I wouldn't disturb my peacefully sleeping husband, I went out on the couch. First I tried to watch some tv. Creepy. It's amazing how many weird people are in this world. Then I watched some old episodes of Cougar Town that I wanted to catch up on. Better. Still couldn't sleep. I read a little. But I was so tired I couldn't really comprehend anything I was reading. Time to try something else. How about some bejeweled (how do some people get such astronomically high scores in that game?) Nope, that didn't work either (duh!). Then I finally decided to try closing my eyes and listening to the birds. Bam. That worked. For a minute.

 Until I heard the bedroom door open. No it wasn't the creepy people from 4am TV, it was the creepy cute people from the bedroom next to mine. I quickly covered my head with the blanket, but it didn't work, it's as if that child can smell me like a hunting dog after the kill. I was not happy. I had JUST fallen into a light sleep.

"Hi mom!" came that all to cheerful morning voice. But, it's only cheerful for a minute. Then it just gets whiney, no worries though, her whiney voice only lasts from about 8am until 10am we leave to go SOMEWHERE, and then again from about noon until she is napping, oh, and then when she wakes up from her nap until about bedtime, so really, not so bad.

 "Hi hunny", I reply into my pillow.

 "I want to watch cartoons".

 "Go tell your dad". (who, is sleeping in our bed, with the remote control to turn the tv on, I on the other hand am in the living room without a tv).

 I hear little footsteps walk toward the bedroom, and then walk back.

 "He is sleeping".

 I hear lots of not so kind words going on in my head right then. But I keep them in my head. It's better that way.

 "But I was sleeping to dear child of mine!". (or something like that).

 And so the day begins.

 "Can you get me breakfast?"

"Mom, I need toilet paper."

"I want milk"

"Not in that cup, in the OTHER cup"

"I need my face washed"

"I wanted to spread the butter and throw sprinkle the cinnamon and sugar all over the house toast"

"can reed come over?"

 "Where are we going today?"

"Who's coming over?"

"Mama, who coming' over'?"

"who coming ove'?"

"Awwwwww, I want a fwend come over'!"

"do you want to get dressed? Cuz, I feel like I do. I really feel like I do want get dressed. OK mom?"

 God, help me deal with this whining for however much linger it has to last, but maybe even better would be if she would quit whining quite so much. It's like nails on a chalkboard. Amen

Is it really getting easier?

It wasn't long ago that I dreaded the thought of Matt going fishing.  It meant I had three kids home with me (typically) and I had to entertain them myself, take them wherever we wanted to go by myself etc.  really not a big deal but if it was a Saturday or Sunday night I kind of expected (and was used to) him being around to help me.  But for the past two years he has out his life on hold to take care of me after surgeries and during chemo.  So, now it's his turn.

He has been out fishing a few times already, and he loves it.  I should also mention he is working full time (obviously) and coaching baseball and will be coaching football at the end of fishing season as well, so his fishing times are pretty limited.  I'm getting used to it.  And, bonus, Elliot loves to go now too, so it ends up being girls at home!

A few weeks ago (I tried to post a similar post then, but something got messed up and it didn't go through), the boys were out fishing and it was HOT out.  So, what were the girls supposed to do?  Well go to the beach of course.  It was a last minute idea, and it was so nice that we were out the door ten minutes later.  No diapers, no sippy cups, very few beach toys (just enough), no food (the nice part of an evening beach trip), and no chairs (the nice part of a short beach trip).  We got there around 5:45ish.  The beach was still quite busy, but we had no problem walking right down to the water and plopping ourselves down.  Lila had a ball playing in the water, filling buckets with water and digging holes, bailey tried to stay out of the water mostly, but did help Lila dig a little!  We stayed for about an hour and a half and then picked up our stuff and walked back to the car.  Just one bag.  Easy-peasy!  

I felt so free!  And it made me very excited for more beach/pool days this summer! 

It's a good thing I'm excited for those, because summer is almost here. Literally.  I've kind of been freaking out getting some stuff together so that we keep a little routine in our lives.  What are my expectations?  What are the kids expectations?  How in the world am I going to get and keep this house clean?  What can I do to help the kids not loose everything they have learned this year? (none of them actually qualified for the Zeeland Summer Stretch program, although I think bailey is going to be doing some sort of book club that she is looking forward to). How am I going to figure out who needs a ride to where and when every day (the bummer of summer is that I'm running around a lot more).

For now though, we sit and snuggle and watch cartoons and try not to freeze our sunburns off!

13 fabulous and frustrating years

It has been 13 years today since I said "I do" promise to love him through sickness and health, richer or poorer, til death do we part.  Never did I imagine that day what the next years would bring, and I'm sure now I can't even begin to imagine what the next 13 will bring either.  I love this man more now than I could have ever imagined.  So often I see people commenting on how great their husband is and what wonderful things he does or says, and I often scratch my head and wonder how they could have the best husband ever when I have the best husband ever?  It all comes down to him being the best husband for me.  Some people could not have been as supporting or compassionate over the last two years as we fought cancer together, but he was. He has accepted me just the way I am, both inside and outside.  He put up with my constant crying after the birth of our third and supported me as I fought to find a medicine that would help me feel normal and not be so anxious. He knows what I like and will avoid what I don't like just because he knows (aka food at a restaurant).  It's not all the big things either, it's the little things like closing the shower curtain after a shower or opening the blinds in the morning so we don't look like we live in a cave, or putting gas in my car so I don't have to worry about it, or rearranging his schedule to accommodate mine.  He simply is the best  husband for me!  Yup.  I love him.  For better or worse. In sickness and health, richer or poorer, until death (and long after I hope).

We were just kids. We had a kid. We kinda had to get married. It wasn't always easy those first years. Lots of learning and adjusting had to be done. We preserved and here we are.  Three kids and one house later!  Nothing I would change about this relationship!

3 years old Lila

Just a little cuteness to start off things right!

 Lila last year when she was two.  Lila this year, when she is three!

 God had a little pink up his sleeve for this little girl the night before her birthday!

 Lila added a little pink to her cupcakes, just like Pinkalicious does in the book.

 Bailey and a friend actually made the cupcakes and frosted them, with a LOT of frosting!

 Love this girl!  When she is happy, she is very happy.  

 She got a little shy when everyone was singing to her.

 This little girl lover some gum, and her friend Reed knows it! 

 A princess she is!  Crown and all!

 After the party, I took a few pictures of Archer!

 Bro's!

Hangin' out, just watchin' Bailey play ipod!

No more PIPEYS!

She was sucking on her ring pop.  I was on my computer.  She said to me, "I don't need a Pipey anymore".  I said, "Quick Landon, find the scissors, take the camera, we need pictures of this".  

He took the pictures.

Her and I cut the Pipey.  

Both of them.

She smiled.  

I smiled.  

It was great!  

 The she kept on sucking on her ring pop like nothing ever happened.

 Almost like a pipey.  Big brother, little brother and baby girl.  (Big girl was off running or something energetic like that)

As bedtime nears, the tears are starting to come.
She wants the pipey back.
I will admit that we cut them just as much for her as me.
This way I can't cave in.
Pray for us tonight as we beat this addiction together!

Additional Session Times for Fundraiser

Daytime offerings didn't seem to be a big hit, and I know that some families had issues with Wednesday nights, so I'm now offering an additional evening for you to participate in this fundraiser!

Same deal as before, just register by clicking the picture above!  Times will be assigned on a first come first serve basis, starting and 5:30, you can put in a request and if it works out I will do what I can, but I would like to keep them all back to back so that there isn't a large amount of time where I'm not photographing!  Thanks for your understanding!

Good Friday

A portion of a blog post from www.desiringgod.org titled The Father's Cup (Good Friday)

Then Jesus is startled by a foul odor. It isn’t the stench of open wounds. It’s something else. And it crawls inside him. He looks up to his Father. His Father looks back, but Jesus doesn’t recognize these eyes. They pierce the invisible world with fire and darken the visible sky. And Jesus feels dirty. He hangs between earth and heaven filthy with human discharge on the outside and, now, filthy with human wickedness on the inside.

The Father speaks:

Son of Man! Why have you sinned against me and heaped scorn on my great glory?

You are self-sufficient and self-righteous — consumed with yourself and puffed up and selfishly ambitious.

You rob me of my glory and worship what’s inside of you instead of looking out to the One who created you.

You are a greedy, lazy, gluttonous slanderer and gossip.

You are a lying, conceited, ungrateful, cruel adulterer.

You practice sexual immorality; you make pornography, and fill you mind with vulgarity.

You exchange my truth for a lie and worship the creature instead of the Creator. And so you are given up to your homosexual passions, dressing immodestly, and lusting after what is forbidden.

With all your heart you love perverse pleasure.

You hate your brother and murder him with the bullets of anger fired from your own heart.

You kill babies for your convenience.

You oppress the poor and deal slaves and ignore the needy.

You persecute my people.

You love money and prestige and honor.

You put on a cloak of outward piety, but inside you are filled with dead men’s bones — you hypocrite!

You are lukewarm and easily enticed by the world.

You covet and can’t have so you murder.

You are filled with envy and rage and bitterness and unforgiveness.

You blame others for your sin and are too proud to even call it sin.

You are never slow to speak.

And you have a razor tongue that lashes and cuts with its criticism and sinful judgment.

Your words do not impart grace. Instead your mouth is a fountain of condemnation and guilt and obscene talk.

You are a false prophet leading people astray.

You mock your parents.

You have no self-control.

You are a betrayer who stirs up division and factions.

You’re a drunkard and a thief.

You’re an anxious coward.

You do not trust me.

You blaspheme against me.

You are an un-submissive wife.

And you are a lazy, disengaged husband.

You file for divorce and crush the parable of my love for the church.

You’re a pimp and a drug dealer.

You practice divination and worship demons.

The list of your sins goes on and on and on and on. And I hate these things inside of you. I’m filled with disgust, and indignation for your sin consumes me.

Now, drink my cup!

And Jesus does. He drinks for hours. He downs every drop of the scalding liquid of God’s own hatred of sin mingled with his white-hot wrath against that sin. This is the Father’s cup: omnipotent hatred and anger for the sins of every generation past, present, and future — omnipotent wrath directed at one naked man hanging on a cross.

The Father can no longer look at his beloved Son, his heart’s treasure, the mirror-image of himself. He looks away.

Jesus pushes himself upward and howls to heaven, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Silence.

Separation.

Jesus whispers, “I’m thirsty,” and he sags.

The merciful centurion soaks a sponge in sour wine and lifts it on a reed to Jesus’ lips. And the sour wine is the sweetest drink he ever tasted.

Jesus pushes himself up again and cries, “It is finished.” And it is. Every sin of every child of God has been laid on Jesus and he drank the cup of God’s wrath dry.

Numbers

A few numbers to know...


1 - The number of hours I typically watch tv in bed before finally falling asleep
2 - The number of years ago I was told there was a tumor found on my MRI, starting the journey that was
3 - The number of days until the kids go back to school (of course, now that were in a routine)
4 - The number of things planted in our garden right now (Snap peas and three varieties of lettuce)
5 - The number of times in a day I wonder why my kids want to eat so much (Seriously, whose great idea was it to have 3-6 meals a day?)
6 - The number of days until my next appointment with my oncologist
8-9 - The number of hours of sleep I need in a night to feel completely refreshed
12 - The number of loads of laundry I've done this week, just to get caught up.  
20 - The number of years it's been since I hugged my mom (Good Friday, 1992)
67 (billion) - The number of times I have to tell my dear small daughter to GO TO SLEEP
1,518 - Number of days (approximate) until my oldest child graduates from High School
5,535 - Number of days (approximate) until my youngest child graduates from High School (that's approximately 132,840 hours in case you wondered)

Q&A

Originated here, revised a little and posted on the M-LIFE blog.

1. What is your go-to meal to fix? 

PB&J for lunch (sad but true) and for dinner... something grilled

2. What piece of furniture in your home do you love the most?  

The corner of our sectional couch in our living room.  It might have my imprint on it.  I sat here a lot after having my third baby and after numerous surgery's since then!  My husband hates this couch for the very reason that I love it!

3. What is your favorite picture from last month {February}? 

4. What household chore do you dread doing? 

All of it.  Do I really have to pick one?  OK... probably laundry.  I am always behind on laundry!

5. What was your first car? 

An Oldsmobile Calais (similar to the one above) that my dad saved after my mom passed away.  Manual shift.  It was great!

6. What is your favorite bible verse or favorite quote? 

Multiple, but one of my favs is:

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Phillipians 4:7

7. Spring is coming.  What are you looking forward to most?

Ummm, Spring is HERE.  I absolutely LOVE having the windows open with fresh breeze blowing in... at night!

8. What's the last book you read? Well, I'm currently reading "You are Already Amazing" for an online bible study through (in)courage

Fundraiser for the DeVries Family

Click the above picture to find out more about a fundraiser that I'm doing to help out the DeVries family

The Great Shoe Debate

Last monday when the elementary kids didn't have school I decided it was time to get Bailey some new shoes, most of hers had holes!  So we headed to Rivertown.  She knew what she wanted:

I knew what I wanted her to have:

Neither one of was happy with the others choices, but I did let her try on the ones she wanted.  And then made her look into the mirror.  She decided she didn't love them either (these things were like wearing a brick on her feet, they were so large).

So, after visiting Dicks, Finish Line, Foot Locker, Pacific Sunwear, Younkers, and stopping to get some pretzels, then to Holland to check Target, Shoe Carnival and finally TJ Max...

Ponytail Kind of day

You know those days when you just want to throw your hair back in a ponytail and be done?

I honestly haven't had one of those in like 2 years!  Which is a good thing considering there was either no or very little hair to pull back.

But today, IT happened.  I've been a little out of sorts lately, just very very tired.  Not good.  Anyway, this morning with the whole time change and stuff we woke up very late and had to rush around and get ready... I knew there would be NO time for me to shower this morning.  I looked at my hair and considered plugging in the straightener or curling iron.  Or SOMETHING.  But really, inside I just wanted a ponytail.  So, I decided what the heck.  I'll give it a try!

Flipped on the headband and used a little bitty rubberband (I used to have to use 2 regular elastic bands to hold all my hair in place) and pulled back a little bitty bit of hair... and I was good to go.  Whatever!

YIKES, not my best look, but it was SO easy to do!

AND, I'm SUCH a trendsetter!  In the afternoon I had to run to Meijers to get a couple of things for dinner, you can see the shirt I had on, but there was also a tanktop under it (it's a little sheer).  After my trip to Meijer I walked into the house with my coat still on.  I was talking to Bailey a bit, she had just returned from school.  She looked at me and said "Why is your shirt rolled up like that?"  Sure enough, my shirt was half way up my stomach.  Awesome!  If only I would have gone to Wal-Mart, no one would have noticed anything at all.  But, now that  I've started that, don't judge if you see a bunch of people developing it into the latest style.  'Cuz you know it will happen!  :)

Joseph Kony - my thoughts

KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

Earlier today I had never heard the name "KONY".  But I saw it EVERYWHERE on facebook.  So I looked into a bit more and ended up watching this 29 minute movie.  Yup, that's a long time.  Now I know who Joseph Kony is.  And I don't like him.  I don't like what he does to innocent children.  Do you know who Joseph Kony is?  Check out the video and you will!

There is ALWAYS a flip side.  There are always questions.  My question... what happens if/when Kony is caught?  Who will take his place?  Because I'm sure there is some evil person just waiting to do it.

This was found on facebook, a comment from a facebook user on the Invisible Children facebook page...
Maybe check out this site before you believe everything a music video says. Invisible Children took in over $8 million last year, 68% of it was used to fund inner organization dinners, hotels, plane rides, parties, filmmaking and paying organizers, trustees and promoters. 32% actually made it to Uganda where it was then used to fund a militant army to fight Kony. Except that the newly developed teenage army has been raping, robbing and murdering the people they were supposed to protect. So although the video has promoted awareness of the plight of these children, it has manaipulated the facts and is in turn manipulating the public. Also, the US government has tried multiple times to capture or kill Kony, they are not "failures", they simply refused to shoot down in cold blood a wall of nine year old children being used as barricades to get to this man. They and the rest of the world are trying to rescue these children without killing hundreds more in the process. Sidenote: 5,800 innoncent civilians were killed under a Syrian dictatorship in the past year, 5 times what was killed in any one year under Kony. But because there was no music video made or merchandise available, the facebook public ignores it in favour of the most popular bandwagon to jump onto according to mass media. It is sad that people needed a facebook video to pay attention to what has been on the news all along. http://visiblechildren.tumblr.com/post/18890947431/we-got-trouble

I don't know how much of that is true or accurate, but it's worth looking into.

Also found this, here (part of a very long article written 5 years ago):
Perhaps you are now aware that there is a problem, perhaps you know that there is more to this world than just your country, your state, and your little hometown.


and, this was in the comments section of the above article:

So... there you have it.  My take on Kony.  And in case you missed what my take was I'll give it to you straight...  I'm undecided.  I plan to look into it more before I make a decision.  If nothing else, this video has made me aware.

Updated to add (3/8/12)

Just one more link... with lot's more links on all sides of the subject!  

Updated AGAIN (3/10/12)

From the perspective of someone who has experienced Kony

A new baby

Big event this week for our family!  We were joined by a new nephew!  Parker has a new big brother!  I have a feeling we may be spending a LOT of time out in jenison in the new future checking in on Archer and Parker.  Someone was immediately in LOVE, and he is ALL she talkes about now.  She was trying to convice us to go see hin again on the way out of the parking lot!
Bummer that she will never have a baby like that at our house.  Yup.  Bummer.  She will have to spend time with Josh and Bobbie to get her fix!  Bummer.  He is slightly cute and does make me want to snuggle with him!  Next step is to see Parker with hin!  Hoping we will be able to do that sooner than later!

Color makes me happy!

Just browsing over my pinterest page... in case I didn't know it already, I really really like color.  Just looking at the page makes me happy!

I'm not a neutral type of girl. 

One other thing I noticed... perfect homes.  I know they are out there.  In fact, I know a few of you who have a perfect home. 
I don't. 
For most of you this is not a revelation, you will not be shocked by that information. 
I lust after some of these perfect homes though.  I look around my living room right now and what do I see that wouldn't fit into that staged living room?  A coffee table that is in an awkward spot in the wrong living room, teeny-tiny scraps of paper all over the table, floor, couch etc because the little girl learned that she likes to cut paper recently.  A lot.  Cleaning up is not so much fun though.  There are games on the shelves, old magazines, DS's and games, Baileys randomly misplaced wallet (I bet she can't find it), a christmas picture, my desk which is currently unusable because it's covered with so much clutter, wires and cords from all the gadgets and gizmos that go with my computer, a storm trooper, a pair of socks and the cusions aren't all on the couch, or in the right spot if they are. 

I was watching a high quality show (like Wife Swap) this afternoon and one of the husbands was a slight bit controlling and overwhelmed by color.  He pointed out a small pile of three books (all navy, so they matched at least) on an empty table that really bugged him.  He called it chaos.  Keep in mind the rest of the table was empty.  It was a desk type table.  He also said his wife was welcome to paint any color she wanted in the house... as long as it was beige, everything else overwhelmed him.  Him and I... we wouldn't get along so well.  That might make for a good show!  :)

OK, enough nonsense for one day!

Almost enough actually.  Currently watching Hoarders right now... my house doens't look so bad afterall!